Conflicted

Today marks 98 days of deployment.  In 2 days it'll be 100 days and I'll get to pick Matt up from the airport for a week at home.  I wish I could say that I'm super excited, but right now my emotions are all over the place.  On one hand I am really excited.  I miss Matt so much and want to see him so bad, but I also know the week is going to fly by and then there's the goodbye that I'm dreading.

Five weeks ago I went to Austin and had a great time, but at the end of the weekend I had to say goodbye knowing what I was going home to.  I couldn't pretend that the time was going to fly by or that I was going to be motivated to do all sorts of things to make the time seem to go faster like I could in March.  The only reason it wasn't so bad was that I knew I'd get to see him again in a little over a month.  That won't be the case this time.  In a week and a half I'll say goodbye for approximately 9 months.  I also know that this time he'll be leaving the country and there will be new hurdles to figure out.

I think the worst part is that Aubrey doesn't have any idea who her daddy is.  I see so much of Matt in her especially when she smiles and it's heartbreaking that she doesn't get to spend time with him.  I'm praying this week drags by and that I can focus on the time we do have.

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