Questions

Matt and I had been eagerly anticipating the next several months and the birth our first child. We had just started spreading our exciting news to friends and family when I started having some problems. A quick trip to the doctor confirmed our worst fears. The baby's heart was no longer beating and a few days later I miscarried.

While I would love to have a happy post with pictures about our everyday life, I just can't do it right now.  Today my heart is torn and my mind is reeling with all sorts of thoughts and questions.  I know that most of these questions don't really have answers but they are still there.  I also know that God is still holding me tight and there will be more happy picture posts later, but this is what's going on now.

how do you say goodbye to someone you've never met yet already holds a piece of your heart because you love them so much? how do you talk or even think about someone when you've only referred to them as "it" because you don't know whether to say "he" or "she"? can you really be a mother when you've never even seen your baby, much less held or fed them? and what kind of mother are you when your only baby's body, although very tiny but still precious, was flushed down a toilet? what now and where do i go from here?

E